They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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