Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
