I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
