he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
