thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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