Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
