Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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