If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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