i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
