Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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