You can't special order awesome
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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