Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You're a waste of cheezeits
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
