my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
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