At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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