tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Randomize
