I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
