It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
