I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So many bounce houses so little time
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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