I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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