God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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