Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
