I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize