it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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