atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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