I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
