I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize