College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize