I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
