billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
