I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
