can we get nightvision for the apartment?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
