I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
