Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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