that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
