If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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