he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
