She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize