I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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