you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
