dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
