Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
