hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
