i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
