yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
