Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
