Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
