mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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