WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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