Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
