I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
