The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
