i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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