I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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