Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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