i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
