His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
