you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
