8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
