I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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