i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
