You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
