I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Never joke about your clitoris.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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