Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
