summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
