I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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