Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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