Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
