im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
