3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
