There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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