I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I need water and some morals
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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