was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
