you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
