Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
