So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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