i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
