im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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