Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
